One of many greatest sporting occasions of any summer season is the Tour de France, a gruelling three week biking race masking 3,300km and 54,000m of climbing round France that kicked off, or possibly it’s higher to say rode off, in Barcelona on Saturday.
Except for questions as to why precisely a French bike race begins in Spain (reply: the massive three-week races, often known as Grand Excursions, simply do that yr’s Giro d’Italia began in Hungary and the Vuelta a España will depart from Monaco with stops in Southern France whereas subsequent yr’s Tour will even cross by Liverpool), for lots of people the query will probably be hey, what’s this, then? (reply: a 3 week biking race masking 3,300km and 54,000m of climbing round France)
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Since we’re theoretically a Liverpool website, a minimum of when it’s not the World Cup, nevertheless it’s the summer season and there’s not lots apart from sketchy switch rumours to speak about (and likewise the World Cup with apologies to those that solely need us to speak about issues very strictly about Liverpool to which we must also apologize for this) so naturally the query is make the Tour de France about Liverpool. Should you squint at it. Like actually squint.
Reply: do a factor evaluating Tour de France riders with Premier League soccer golf equipment. Sure, it’s dumb (once more, sorry). However actually it’s simply an excuse, so let’s get to it.
First off, in case you’ve by no means watched the Tour de France or usually given a rattling about aggressive (or non-competitive for that matter) biking, who’s going to win? That one’s fairly straightforward. Assuming he doesn’t trip right into a ravine, the winner of the 2026 Tour de France is…
Tadej Pogačar (Group Emirates) = Manchester Metropolis
Tadej Pogačar (sounds a bit like focaccia) is a sportswashing entrance for a human rights abusing petrostate. He’s additionally in all probability the best athlete the game has ever seen. He will probably be sporting yellow on the finish of the Tour de France (as a result of yellow is the color of the shirt whoever’s within the lead of the general race will get to put on).
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Anyhow. In aggressive biking, there are (to over-simplify it) three flavours of man. There’s the sprinter guys who’re comparatively huge with over-developed thighs who prepare for brief quick-twitch busts. They attempt to win the so-called dash levels (aspect word: most levels are round 160km +/- 40km no matter kind), levels which are largely flat.
In these levels the groups with a superb sprinter (aka dash groups does what it says on the tin) will attempt to handle the race, closing down any breakaways (small teams of some to 10 riders who take off on their very own whereas the huge foremost group of riders known as the peloton keep bunched collectively and rotate riders to the entrance the place they block the wind for everybody else and assist the peloton keep common speeds in extra of 50km/h).
Now, Pogačar isn’t a sprinter, so apologies for main with that (I needed to clarify the three flavours of man someplace). So, on the different finish of the spectrum are climbers. They’re the little dudes who as a result of they’re so little have much less weight to haul up the massive ass mountains. They’re excessive endurance riders, they usually win Grand Excursions (the general winner, also called the GC winner for Basic Classification, is judged throughout your complete 3,300km and 54,000m of climbing and successful by something greater than a minute or two over that size is taken into account dominant) on the energy of their climbing whereas cagily using to reduce time losses in opposition to perceived GC rivals in non-big ass mountain levels.
Within the center are the punchers. They’ll be those off within the breakaway early on dash levels making an attempt to beat out the dash groups to the end. They usually’ll be those on longer hilly levels out on the entrance. And generally they may even have the ability to play their playing cards proper and win within the huge mountains. They’re typically essentially the most enjoyable to look at however they aren’t usually suited to successful GC, and quite than one thing just like the Tour de France their pinnacle are sooner or later Classics races (for a lot of the largest single-day race is Paris–Roubaix, which incorporates filth and cobbled sections and is usually known as The Hell of the North), typically longer than any single tour stage and over reasonable hills.
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So, Pogačar. He’s gained the Tour de France 4 instances (so this will probably be quantity 5) and is inarguably one of the best Grand Tour rider of his technology. Of any, in all probability. In service to that, he’s one of many prime two climbers (and doubtless simply clear at primary) any approach you chop it. He’s additionally gained principally each Basic (not Paris–Roubaix sorry, la), often a number of instances, and is now one of the best Classics rider within the sport (Mathieu van der Poel would have had a case for prime spot in previous years however given the place they’re of their careers in the mean time Pogačar has in all probability eclipsed him).
You shouldn’t have the ability to be that good at each Classics and Grand Excursions. No one has been going again to a minimum of Eddy Merckx (suppose Pelé, I suppose?), and the game was far much less professionalized and specialised again when he was making his best of all time case.
It’s not even remotely regular to do what Pogačar does. Additionally, you already know, he’s with Group UAE. As a result of they don’t have to cover the sportswashing behind a membership title in biking, they only are that staff. And since they’re Group UAE they spend far more than anybody else and have like half a dozen riders who could be GC contenders on different groups besides as an alternative of doing that they’re being paid twice as a lot to hold water and block wind for Pogačar earlier than he rides off on his personal for 70km and wins once more.
Jonas Vingegaard (sounds a bit like ????) is the one man who has ever actually saved up with Pogačar from a GC standpoint. When Pogačar and Vingegaard begin a race, that’s the order they end in. When solely certainly one of them is in a race, they win it—with out anybody else actually coming shut. For a time, it even appeared like possibly it could be Vingegaard popping out on prime in a battle of generational GC riders however then Vingegaard rode right into a ravine and virtually died which kinda set him again for a yr or two (these are issues that occur in biking).
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The resultant dynamic has been locked in a number of years now, and along with being second finest (and sometimes possibly higher on the completely greatest mountains the place Vingegaard might need only a hair extra endurance and warmth tolerance than the person he’s chasing) what the Dane (purple and white flag is Liverpool coded) has might be the staff with the constantly finest ways and talent to execute.
Biking can seem to be a solo sport, however past the peloton bunching along with the blokes out entrance burning matches (that’s kinda like leaving all of it out on the pitch on your teammates) and pushing themselves to go 50-whatever km per h whereas everybody else sits of their slipstream, there is usually a shocking quantity of staff ways within the sport.
A staff that works nicely collectively, that’s tactically good, and that is aware of when to burn their matches to provide the staff chief an edge heading into or up a last climb (or within the case of the dash groups to get their man to the ultimate drag race so he can quick-twitch to glory) could make an enormous distinction, and whereas Visma have constantly been the fourth or fifth highest spenders within the sport in an period of Group UAE dominance, they’ve due to Vingegaard and constantly being the neatest tactical staff been the one ones to constantly problem them (and from time to time even beat them).
Jürgen Klopp may not be Liverpool’s supervisor any extra, and Pep Guardiola could have moved on as nicely, however taking all that under consideration a Liverpool website can’t rightly tie Vingegaard and Visma to anybody else.
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Remco Evenepoel (Pink Bull) = Tottenham
Remco might an excellent enjoyable Classics-style rider, a punchy stage hunter who picks his spot and places on a present. Typically he even is that, and when he’s he’s a pleasure to look at trip. What he can’t be is Tadej Pogačar. And it generally feels as if greater than something that Remco and his followers are determined for him to be Tadej Pogačar.
What Remco is is an elite puncher who’s adequate to simply about sustain with the climbers within the mountains and throughout the size of a Grand Tour, and may even win a shorter multi-day tour relying on what opposition there’s. However when pitted in opposition to not simply the likes of Pogačar and Vingegaard however even simply one of the best of the remainder prime GC riders, he’s gonna get dropped when the climbing will get robust.
At this level, he’s quite made a behavior of combating like hell to remain within the GC combat for the primary two weeks of the Tour de France (or no matter Grand Tour he reveals up at) solely to expire of gasoline and implode utterly within the last week. Normally sooner or later he could have a really public meltdown aimed toward teammates/his bike/the sporting administrators/the climate/who the fuck is aware of what and it’s in all probability 50:50 whether or not he finishes within the GC prime ten or drops out of the Tour de France earlier than the top.
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This may not be a difficulty besides that he’s Pink Bull’s star rider, their highest paid bicycle owner, and he and actually everybody round him appear to suppose he’s gonna magically flip into Pogačar if they only imagine laborious sufficient and preserve making an attempt. It’s additionally a difficulty as a result of…
Pink Bull have one other man on the Tour de France who’s a greater GC rider than Remco. Solely quite than working for Lipowitz and opportunistically making an attempt to win levels he’s suited to, Remco will trip for his personal GC possibilities and with Pink Bull having chosen a co-leader technique (it by no means works for anyone however possibly it’ll work for us!) they can even be burning the matches of their different assist riders to maintain Remco’s GC hopes alive. And likewise they’ll be making an attempt to assist Lipowitz on the similar time (critically, possibly it’ll work for us!).
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I’ll simply be trustworthy, there’s actually no good cause to have Lipowitz as Arsenal (he’s 10cm and 5kg greater than Remco which is kinda huge for a critical GC contender so meatwall I suppose?) but when Remco is Tottenham and essentially the most vital factor his GC efforts on the Tour de France can in all probability obtain is destroying his teammate’s GC efforts? The Spurs want their Gunners and if they’ll’t win a minimum of they’ll screw over their rivals, is I suppose what I’m saying. If Remco melts down early and Lipowitz will get assist, he definitely has a shot on the podium given he completed third final yr (earlier than Pink Bull went and signed Remco due to causes).
Cian Uijtdebroeks (Movistar) = Man United
Movistar are the last word banter staff. Different groups is likely to be a large number however different groups a minimum of generally win issues. Movistar at this level appear to exist for the only objective of discovering new and more and more embarrassing methods to lose. They made an in-house documentary a number of years in the past a couple of previous Tour de France that made them look so incompetent you could possibly swear it was successful piece. They usually appreciated it a lot they made a sequel.
Since Tottenham are off the board, which means they’ve gotta be Man United who sure had an honest 2025-26 however we’re all pretty sure that’s simply to arrange issues going off the rails once more. As for Movistar, they actually ought to be higher than they’re. They spend sufficient to win much more than they do. They’re an outfit that traditionally has had success. On paper they need to be fairly good.
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In the meantime they’re on the market taking pictures themselves within the foot. Mechanical failures, horrible ways, infighting. When Movistar see an opportunity to show victory into defeat they seize it with each palms. Except your definition of “matter” is “everybody laughs at these guys” then they don’t matter.
Anyhow, Cian Uijtdebroeks appears positive. He might get within the prime ten for GC and it wouldn’t be a shock. However with Movistar it additionally wouldn’t be a shock if he doesn’t get the highest ten and none of their different riders win a stage, which merely shouldn’t be attainable once you’re speaking about Movistar I imply that is Movistar we’re speaking about it’s Movistar United that is Moo United we’re speaking about right here.
Antonio Tiberi (Bahrain) = Newcastle
There are a bunch of groups in biking which are principally tender energy performs by oil wealthy micro states (and likewise Kazakhstan?) and Bahrain Victorious sorta get to fly below the radar as a result of they don’t spend as a lot as somebody like UAE and likewise they only usually don’t appear to be fairly nearly as good at it which makes them extra likeable in that approach the place no person’s positive in the event that they’re really likeable or if that’s simply how everybody processes them not being an all-conquering sportswashing machine. Anyhow, Antonio Tiberi is their GC man and also you in all probability don’t must know lots about him they usually’re hoping to complete within the prime ten in GC and possibly win a stage someplace alongside the best way so yeah that’s very Newcastle I suppose.
The Nice French Hope of biking is a 19-year-old who rides for the French Group that quite than being an extension of state energy is only a automobile for boring-ass company branding (on this case by a French Firm) although the proprietor of Decathlon the corporate has been identified get a bit hands-on with Decathlon the staff to their occasional detriment, so that may be enjoyable. Anyhow, like most very French sports activities issues, they put on blue (Chelsea additionally put on blue in case you forgot).
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In the meantime, Seixas (he’s French and an grownup you’re allowed to have a bit snigger in regards to the title however simply do it in a French approach possibly?) is principally everybody’s decide to complete third (as a result of ain’t no person ending forward of Pogačar and Vingegaard except, you already know, ravine) nevertheless it’s all primarily based virtually totally on promise and expertise and projection and he’s by no means really gained something but that will make it cheap to count on he’s going to complete third right here, a minimum of not with the knowledge everybody appears to have.
So principally he’s a proficient child who might end third. Or he may not be prepared for the massive stage simply but and end seventh. And the proprietor may stick his head in sooner or later as a result of he is aware of higher than all of the individuals he pays to know greater than him about biking. All of which feels vaguely Chelsea with their military of younger stars on lengthy contracts for whom possibly this actually would be the yr (or possibly they’ll end seventh). Additionally blue.
Anyhow. There you go. Tour de France riders as Premier League golf equipment. A few of whom possibly make extra sense than others however actually this was all simply an excuse to do some a Tour de France explainer and preview factor.
Perhaps it’ll assist as that for individuals who don’t know in regards to the Tour de France or professional biking usually. Or it would simply piss off any Remco followers who occur to be hanging round (sorry). Alternately (possibly more than likely) no person is gonna even get this far. However anyhow. Right here’s if you’d like data on levels, dates, and present outcomes, and right here’s their in case you wish to attempt to watch.
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Highlights of accomplished levels will be discovered on .
After the primary leg in Barcelona (a brief staff time trial you already know what I’m not gonna attempt to clarify it don’t fear about it Vingegaard gained however the 12 seconds he earned vs. Pogačar isn’t going to vary opinions on the general race) on Saturday we get one other Spanish stage from Tarragona to Barcelona after which on Monday the race goes from Granollers simply north of Barcelona and travels to Las Angles in France, with the ultimate stage ending in Paris on July twenty sixth.
